SleazyBanana

“When Dad was tucking me in that night and we were talking about the book, I asked if he could think of a solution to that problem. “Which problem?” “The problem of how relatively insignificant we are.” He said, “Well, what would happen if a plane dropped you in the middle of the Sahara Desert and you picked up a single grain of sand with tweezers and moved it one millimeter?” I said, “I’d probable die of dehydration.” He said, “I just mean right then, when you moved that single grain of sand. What would that mean?” I said, “I dunno, what?” He said, “think about it.” I thought about it. “I guess I would have moved a grain of sand.” “Which would mean?” “Which would mean I moved a grain of sand?” “Which would mean you changed the Sahara.” “So?” “So? So the Sahara is a vast desert. And it has existed for million of years. And you changed it!” “That’s true!” I said, sitting up. “I changed the Sahara!” “Which means?” he said. “What? Tell me.” “Well, I’m not talking about moving that one grain of sand one millimeter.” “Yeah?” “If you hadn’t done it, human history would have been one way…” “Uh-huh?” “but you did do it, so…?” I stood on the bed, pointed my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed: “I changed the course of human history!” “That’s right.” “I changed the universe!” “You did.” “I’m God!’ “You’re an atheist.” “I don’t exist!” I fell back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together. [86]

Things I can’t say on Facebook

I miss gymnics TERRIBLY! Gymnics is a gymnastics team I was apart of for a year and it was the best year of my life. I’ve never enjoyed anything more and I have never been better in anything that gymnastics. I miss homeshow, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my coach who was like a father/best friend/mentor and everything to me. All my life was on the mats and now I do not have anything like that here for me. I wish I could go back so bad, ONLY to do gymnastics, but I don’t want to leave my boyfriend. That’s the only thing stopping me….

Next topic, ex-boyfriend. WHY do I constantly think about him? There is nothing that I miss about him… I just can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I’ve had so many dreams with him in it, where we’re back together, but how could that ever happen? I don’t EVER want that to happen… or do I? Sometimes I feel like I’ve never gotten over him… I mean believe me, I’ve had PLENTY of time to get over him, after we broke up, it was almost 2 years before I got a boyfriend. Every single time I would see him in class after we broke up, I was starting bawling my eyes out… even months after I went to his school with some friends and I still cried every time I laid my eyes on him. He was my first love… maybe you never REALLY get over your first love…

I think the thing I truly want from him is to look my in the eyes and tell me he loves me. I don’t know why I want that, but I feel like I just do. I don’t think I love him, but I just want to hear it from someone who I felt never truly loved me. I adore my perfect boyfriend whom I have now, I just need closure but don’t know how to get it. :(

As for right now. I guess I live day by day with these emotions. At least I have a way to kind of get it out. Thanks Tumblr.

.xoxo.

i think i finally have my mind in the right place.